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Old 03-22-2011, 12:53 AM
madmotomike madmotomike is offline
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Join Date: May 2008
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madmotomike Curb Monkey
Default M3 "APOLLO 13?" bring it on......

I must not be living right… .Sunday I woke up and found the peanut butter in the refrigerator . I installed a new battery in my Suzuki 400 bandit that had to be rescued off a dark forgotten high way the night before by my wife. The bike ate super nova’d its headlights and then ate its battery as I returned from playing in the international Butterfly sponsored Cary Cup table tennis tournament in cary nc. Not discounting the fact that I accidentally mis communicated EXACTLY “where “ in the middle of “nowhere” I was……

I installed the new battery and turned the switch on….”SMOKE!!!!!” I swore under my breath as I scrambled to unplug the cdi on the bike as smoke was rolling from it!! THEY do NOT usually smoke!!!!! Say have YOU ever seen time stand still?............... it does you know.

Then today my truck stopped shifting gears and the tranny started “playing” up! Simultaneously the trucks heater which has NOT worked all winter when it was freezing cold---just suddenly started working !!!!!!!!

That and I am in a real bind. I AM BIKELESS!! THE bandit was it as each of the rest of my scoots need investment in electrical componentry! Do you believe in Entropy? Hell yes!!

Why o why is it always electricity or the lack of electricity? The baghira is awaiting a rectifier/regulator. The zebra bmw is awaiting a hall effect sensor, the cx500 is still absent spark at the cylinder. The k bike still has a frazzled harness. The bandit just ate its cdi and probably its rectifier regulator. The xt500 has no spark and I cannot remember which wiring harness of three goes with the 1980. The sr500 motor is being held hostage by rester ………..i am bike less!!!!

Spineless,brain less, dickless,gutless, bike less… the brain less situation is the worst cause you cannot remember what is was that the others referred to.

All I know is THAT IT IS SOME KIND A MORAL IMPERITIVE THAT I (MADMOTOMIKE) GET A BIKE OPERATIONAL ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!

I must NOT be living right!!!

Okay so I am arguably and intelligent person …..I can understand most of it. But the peanutbutter in the refridgerator??!! That needs some explaining…

When my wife finally found me after wandering in the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights…..i logically suggested that …hey honey…sorry you are pissed off but I THINK I NEED A NEW BIKE?

I can not repeat the words she used in this venue….. I ..am too young to be allowed to hear that sort of talk. Good news is that I ducked fast and the tire iron she threw or allegedly threw at my head sailed past and landed harmlessly down the road..

MADE sense to me! Part of my problem is that money is tight and I have been making lemonade out of lemons and something out of nothing for a long long time. Entropy is my marching order…it must be met head on with money time luck and good tactics…

Seems to me that when a bike breaks down . it is MY wife who suffers.

In my defense; I did not tell her to come and get me. I just needed some illumination so I could attempt to understand and correct the problem. In solid boy scout tradition I had tried to “be prepared”. I had my 2010 almanac which would provide entertainment as something to read. And would also work well as a defensive weapon having 1264 pages such as it does. It could also be burned one page at a time providing a fire for warmth and when heeding nature’s call …..well there you go! I was prepared..sort of.

I even had a flashlight /emergency light packed along just in case a situation like this ever came up. It was kinda sorta real dark out in the Carolina outback. Could not see a thing as I tried to check the basics on the machine. Yep sure am glad I had my light…….it is just too damn bad that the batteries /leds were almost dead! Using the Braille method of trouble shooting just does not work!!

After 2.5 minutes the light eventually died altogether. Then it was just me –the moon and a dead motorcycle. Time passed and passed and hmmmm wonder where she is? Post script I know HOW she got to be where she was……………..

I told her very clearly that I was on highway 50 south of Kenansville. I know this because I could see the lights back up the road a mile or two. Told her I was north of hiway 903 and south of Kenansville. I was dead sure and could not figure out where she was and WHAT WAS TAKING SO LONG.

It was a beautiful evening. The moon was huge and the stars were clear and sparkling. I was a bit tired as the tournament was tough but I found out that I DO HAVE GAME!! And I am better /more advanced than I knew…hmmm been on the road for 200 miles….what is taking that girl soooo long ?! it has been hours!! I am only 45 minutes from home!!

So I adjusted my tank bag and laid my head upon it and just started “watching airplanes” waaayy up there in the sky!! Then I started thinking about airplanes…then my mind went to the you tube videos “murf” and “the woo” have been sending me. AND pop! Happy feeling gone---airplane pilots are crazy and crazy lucky. Now I do not feel so good. Then I started starring at the moon …………….

And then I had company. The volunteer fire men arrived first and then the cops. I had not thought about it but a giant freak of nature laying on the ground watching airplanes and “looking” ---DEAD!! Oops.

I assured them I was okay and apologized for causing work for them and thanked them profusely for doing a good job.

They asked me if I had some one coming for me? I mentioned my wife and the fact that for some reason she is hours past due. They wanted to know where she was right now? I told em that It just puzzled me because as I gestured to the lights up the road to the right a short distance..i am on hiway 50 just south of Kenansville!

Policeman said that is warsaw nc. Just tell her you are two miles south of warsaw nc or 5.3 miles north!!!! Of Kenansville nc.

They must have seen to look of bemused horror on my face…she is looking in the wrong area! I misidentified the town I just left..

So it did what I had to do. Told em you guys need to leave and leave now!! She was in a vicous mood 1.5 hours ago . she is gonna be off the charts when she gets here. YOU do not want to become “collateral damage”! it will be ugly! She’s gonna kick my butt but seriously. One smart ass said well heck maybe we will stay to watch. Been a slow night.. who’s got the popcorn?

They laughed and told me “she get to thump’n on you too hard just call 911 and MAYBE we will COME BACK AND pull her off of you!!! Everybody is a comedian..


WELL I had to call her. I had to correct the great wrong. Had to confess that even t hough I say something with absolute conviction….i am still a guy who took a major shot to the head and….

Then it got stupid seriously stupid-er. I called her and told her where I was and how I was mistaken. She told me that she had already been north of Kenansville all the way out to bum **** Egypt and no way was she going that way again. Further more she told me that she was at her last nerve and was about to drive back to Jacksonville with out me. Said something about me coming to meet her…(she was tired and the poodle co pilot was grumpy). I had to remind her that I WAS BROKEN DOWN and that SHE HAD TO RESCUE ME! I think she said something about just “fix it”. Appreciate that vote of confindance but my emergency light had already expired. I finally talked her into going back north of Kenansville 5.2 miles. Reluctantly she agreed to but I secretly think SHE was coming to KILL me!!!

When she did arrive I was careful about approaching the vehicle. I was watching her hands real close too. Almost stopped approaching the suburban until I had “backup”..

With my Sunday return to the tournament cancelled due to a lack of efficient affordable transportation; I set about fixing the bandit…then the smoke and the other stuff.

I must not be living right..

THIS siege of negativity/bad luck started about 10 days back. You see my cousin sarah and her family were going to be in raliegh nc for a wedding and were going to stop by my sister and husband waynes house . they called to see if I wanted to come up for a visit.

Family was going horseback riding so I was FREE to take a swift motorcycle trip to Hillsborough nc. And YOU KNOW how much I HATE to ride my motorcycles thru the Carolina out back with the blue sky overhead and warm sun caressing my face…..

It was a great plan! Take the 400 bandit which I have modified to be more accomadating my mile of leg.

I was rolling and I was happy . that 400cc four cylinder 14,000 rpm mill was just working its magic . big smiles and big joy!! All is right with the world!! My celebration proved premature..

I had predetermined that this would be a highly responsiable controlled mission…but the bandit is invigorating like no other. That mill just singing THAT SONG! 385 lbs of responsive short wheelbase precision….who could resist?!?! I was rolling down pasture branch road at an 80 mph cruze …those big sweepers are heavenly at 80mph. they CAN be taken at about 115mph but it sure is a shame to hurry thru some of God’s best work.

As I exited the last big sweeping corner. I saw him…and HE SAW ME. A big ole dog with a competitive spirit and some big ole teeth took off pacing me ---ready for the merge! HA NOT TODAY FIDO!! Today I am a god with wings !! you will not worry me…..

To kinda warn him off I changed lanes and pulled the clutch and gave him a shot of noise/rpm…

WHAT THE… .? Surprise was replaced with incredulous disbelief !! the totally loose turning throttle grip told the whole story…I BROKE A THROTTLE CABLE?!! I BROKE A THROTTLE CABLE!!!!!!! NO WAY!!

RIPPED back to reality .. I glanced back to see if fido had realized I was stricken and was redoubling his efforts? I pulled the clutch and ducked my head tucking in for all I was worth trying to make sure I coasted out of range.

I pulled over and checked out the situation. What to do? I need control. And I need to not get or allowed myself to get killed. Hmmmm

Problem is that the cable broke not exactly at the little ball but a few inches down the cable.hmmmm first idea is to turn the idle up and ride that way. It worked sort of. I would turn the idle up to about 2200 rpm and let the clutch out. Short shift up the pattern had me in sixth gear at whch point I turned the idle way up. 60 mph was easily attainable but any reason to slow required that I pull the clutch and hit the kill button and then brake. I sure am glad the bandit has a rev limiter. I went about 3 miles …and being cocky and somewhat crazy ; I heard myself say you can ride this up to nina’s no problem. Then the rational side said on I40 thru towns with stop lights and cars ans such? No way stupid..find another solution.

Call for help? Out of the question…if you were in Alaska or Tunisia or in the outback of austrailia ; WHAT WOULD YOU DO? I would have to be self reliant and solve it myself….

So I investigated everything on the bike in the tank bag in the trunk on the side of the road….just trying to ascertain what assets I had available.

BTW this is the very very first “THROTTLE CABLE” I HAVE ever broken!

I took stock of what tools and fastners I had at mydisposal. I need something to attach to the end of the cable to give me something substantial to pull. I found a bolt , two washers and a nut. Luckily the bolt was the correct size for the nut and FIT. Worked like a charm. Then I attached it to the outside of the grip with assortment of zip ties. This would allow me to cover the bolt with my hand to help stabilize it as I twisted the grip. More zip ties and had secured the cable sheat to the front brake master cylinder. Some trial and error and zip tie adjustment and

…………………… …..I WAS IN BUSINESS.!! IT was crude and lacking in precision but it was functional. Ironically it reminded me of the 1967 isle of man TT races between hailwood and agostini. In that contest hailwood not only had to face the challenges of the island circuit with its high speeds and stone walls but he had to overcome the challenges of the great Italian star agostini….and his throttle grip came loose on the second lap!!! He heroically rode around the problem. The matter was decided when ago ‘s chain broke….but what heroism!

So my super precise time travel machine was reduced to the status and performance of an ox cart …but it worked and I rescued myself….

That being said…..I MUST NOT BE LIVING RIGHT!!

THIS HAS GOT TO CHANGE!!..........................

That peanut butter in the refridgerator has still got me baffled….hmmmm

Take care

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